February 9, 2011

As a First Time Mommy

  • I'm worried that I'm not going to have everything my son needs after he is born.
  • I'm disappointed that I am a full time college student and not able to have a job to provide for my son.
  • I'm scared that I'm not paying enough attention to his movement and I won't notice if he is stillborn, even though I am counting kicks every day.
  • I'm fearful that I won't be able to handle labor and will want an epidural.
  • I'm scared that he will be a preemie, this I think is due to watching my friend go through this.  My boyfriend and I couldn't even handle seeing the baby like that, having our own be in NICU would tear our world apart.
  • I'm nervous that he will need the surgery on his kidney.  My next ultrasound will tell me whether or not he will.
  • I hope that I can go through with breastfeeding and not have to many struggles that make me feel like a failure.
  • I'm pissed off that we are still living with my mother and probably won't be able to move out until April 1st, with my son being born 19 days later.
  • I wonder what he will look like, what his laugh will sound like, how it will feel to hold him against me.
  • I'm excited to show my small world a person that my boyfriend and I created, our product of love.
  • I'm upset that I can't do more shopping on my own, buy him things, buy myself things.
  • I'm angry that I hate my body so much that I refuse to take photos of me pregnant.
  • As much fear and anxiety that I have, I want to meet my son so much and seeing my boyfriend hold him is going to be the best feeling since finding out I was pregnant.

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