January 7, 2012

I Have Such A Heavy Heart

Ever since I found out I was pregnant things have changed. When I watch TV shows, movies, or commercials and there are children in them that are hurt or sad, I now cry my eyes out. I cannot watch anything like I use to. I love watching shows like House and Law & Order SVU, but now when children are involved it is a totally different experience for me.

I see my son in those positions, however unreal they may be. I weep and hold him and tell him I love him, just as I always do. Lately this has been much, much worse. I've come across blogs, news stories and YouTube videos of families that have lost their children. Small infant babies and even teen children. Whether it be to cancer, violence, rare diseases or suicide. This causes me to lose touch with my reality and grieve for them in a way I never thought I would.

I knew as a mother that I would feel different when it comes to children. However I never thought I would feel such sympathy as I do for families that lose their children. While I am not practicing an average religion, I am Wiccan, I do pray for these families, send them my energy and strength, and try to imagine them surrounded by love. So far this has been good enough for me but I keep coming across more and more stories and I can't help but feel I am being told that I need to do something. I do not know what it is yet, I can only hope I am guided in the right direction.

I just needed to get it out so it wouldn't be so heavy on my heart. I am thankful that these articles and stories I have come across have allowed me to be more appreciative of my son's life and appreciate him more. As a young mother I see way to many other ones going out drinking and partying while they leave the baby home with the grandparents mostly. I do not understand those who want to be away from their baby all the time. I would not trade anything to watch my son smile with his two teeth sticking out and holding my hand. This bond we are building is what a parents needs to do, not pass that opportunity off on someone else.

Please Gods and Goddesses pass me onto what I need to start doing to feel better about these situations. I need some relief as I am sure these families do as well.

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